Special thanks to L. M. McCleland – author and contributor of this story!

It was still dark outside when I woke the next morning, but I was too excited to sleep in. I went down the stairs in the quiet of the house, and found Jeff wide awake and fully dressed. He was looking out at the barn.
I walked over and joined him at the window and said, “C’mon, let’s get everything ready before they all wake up.” We snuck out to the barn for a half hour of careful work, and quietly snuck back in.
Perfect! Everyone was still asleep, so Jeff and I got busy to set the table for breakfast. Once in a while, Jeff would clank the dishes together and we’d look at each other, waiting, and listening in the silence for someone to come walking down the stairs to catch us in our act of secret service.
I scrambled a mess of eggs, and made bacon and toast. Jeff overdid his job of waking everyone when he went up and down the hallway, knocking on their doors and yelling, “Wake up. It’s time for breakfast! Don’t ya know it’s Christmas Eve?”
They staggered out of their rooms and down the stairs, making the house look like the “Morning of The Living Dead.”
“What’s the big rush?” moaned Susan, as she sat down at the table. I put some hot oatmeal in front of her. No fattening eggs or greasy bacon for my health-conscious twin.
“We have a big day ahead of us,” I said, pouring some orange juice.
Dad glanced out the window at the snow and looked at me suspiciously and said, “What’s going on? You’re up to something.”
“Us? Dad, how could you say such a thing?” I said in mock protest. Jeff giggled and I continued. “C’mon, eat up. You need your energy. Here, have some jam for that toast. You too Mom. You’ve been looking weak lately. Eat! Eat!”
This was a shocker! What happened to old Greg? They looked at each other without saying a word and started eating. I thought Mom enjoyed it because it gave her a break from cooking. Susan and Dad didn’t say much, but I could tell Susan was a little skeptical of our motives.
Everyone ate well, and it didn’t take us long to finish. I announced, “Don’t worry about the dishes, Jeff and I’ll take care of that. You guys just clean up and get dressed.” They all sat there and looked at me in amazement.
“We don’t have all day, you know!” I said, as I started picking up the plates. Jeff and I straightened everything up, while they took turns in the bathroom.
Jeff kept them in the front room, while I snuck out to the barn. He held them there for a bit, then escorted them to the front door. After a few seconds, I pulled around in the tractor towing the shiny sleigh. I was wearing a big black top hat, and long formal coat from the attic. I also had on my biggest grin. I wish they had a camera!
Jeff stepped onto the porch, turned sideways and bowed with a flourish, saying, “Mom and Dad…I mean, Ladies and gentlemen, your carriage awaits.” He nearly flubbed his lines but recovered well.
You should have seen their faces. Susan began laughing, Mom was struck dumb, and stared at me slack-jawed. Dad had a broad grin and said, “Well, I’ll be, Grandpa’s old sleigh. So that’s what you two were doing.”
Jeff was well into character and stuck to his rehearsed role. “May I suggest that you don some winter apparel? I fear the day is a bit nippy. And be sure to bring a few….” He stopped, turned to me, and whispered, “Greg, what was that word?”
I whispered back, “Shekels.”
“Oh yeah, shekels,” he said as he turned back to the special guests. “A magnificent shopping experience awaits at the end of your journey.” The tractor coughed once in agreement, and I was amazed at how well Jeff did in his first acting job.
Susan ran inside, yelling, “Awesome!” Dad was right behind her, and Mom didn’t move until Dad reemerged. He had on his coat and fuzzy hat, and was carrying Mom’s coat, boots, and purse. Susan came bouncing out, all bundled up. I hadn’t seen her with this much enthusiasm in a long time.
Jeff closed the door behind them and took Susan’s arm to escort her to the back of the sleigh. Mom and Dad followed, and they all climbed in. Jeff tucked them under some blankets we’d heisted, then jumped on the back with his legs dangling over the edge. We were ready to go!
We rumbled and put-putted down the driveway. The steady, slow chugging of the tractor; the clanking of the tow chain; and the crunch and scrape of the runners over the snow filled the cold, still air. Occasionally I would hear Susan murmur, “This is so cool.”
Dad broke the silence and said, “That’s a weird-looking old horse up there!”
I yelled back, “It’s old enough. But it doesn’t run on hay!”
As we crawled past a farmhouse, we saw several people on the porch waving and pointing at us. Just then we hit some hard bumpy ice and the sleigh bounced around a little, knocking Jeff of the back. He ran alongside and started pelting us with snowballs.
Susan yelled, “Hey!” She jumped off and run along the other side, lobbing snow missiles over the sleigh at him. Of course, he returned fire. My top hat was almost knocked off a couple times.
I looked back at Mom and Dad. They were huddled under the blanket; I heard giggling and some kissing noises. Oh brother!
The snow-hushed stands of threes and barren windswept fields swallowed our laughs, and screams, and creaks, and rattles, making it seem as if the whole world had collapsed around us like a cocoon of happy contentment. I felt as if everything was right in the universe.
Finally, the warring factions joined one another in the back of the sleigh and fought the common enemy of cold. That’s when Jeff remembered the big thermos of hot chocolate we’d made and broke it out.
Susan said, “We’ve got to sing some Christmas songs!” She broke out into Jingle Bells as we sang along.
“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one Ford open sleigh!” The modification was mine. Then Jeff soloed:
“Over the river and through the woods,
To Grandmother’s house we go,
The horse will play and rattle the sleigh…” He paused.
Mom said, “What?!”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I never knew the words.” We all burst out laughing. Then we went through a lot of the old reliables from the church. I looked back from my roost on the tractor and watched them all singing and jostling playfully. You know, sometimes this family thing works just fine.
We chugged up to the edge of town. People were honking their car horns and waving at us. As we went through a neighborhood, little kids playing in front yards would stop and jump up and down, pointing like it was a parade. We all waved back like a bunch of beauty queens on a float.
We pulled into a gas station and the sleigh’s runners scraped terribly on the bare concrete, but it seemed to be okay for the 30 feet they had to endure. Mom and Dad went inside to refill the thermos and a couple of attendants came out to see the sleigh.
“I love it,” said one of them with a big smile.
“Ah, fill ‘er up and clean the windshield while you’re at it,” I said.
“Gladly,” he said. He topped off the little gas tank on the Ford and said, “This is on the house if you’ll let me take your picture.”
“You’re on,” I answered back.
“Take our picture too, Mister?” said a little kid from a car that was being filled up.
“Sure, my pleasure,” said the attendant. He went inside and re-emerged with a Polaroid camera. The whole family from the car piled on board and had their photo snapped. A couple then asked to be next. The poor gas station guy went through a whole roll of film before Mom and Dad came back out to rescue us. When Dad saw what was going on, he quickly went back in and bought a fresh roll of film. We had the guy take a couple pictures of us on the sleigh, then we took one of him and gave him the rest of the film. He waved and shook his head as we left.
The mall was just half mile up the road. It wasn’t the biggest one I’ve seen, but it seemed to have everything we needed. I swung around to the entrance and dropped everyone off.
Dad looked at his watch and said, “Okay, I’m sure we all need to do some secret shopping, so let’s meet at the food court in 3 hours.” They all scattered into the mall, and I drove my contraption to the far side of the parking lot to find a safe place to leave it. I still attracted a lot of waves and pointing fingers from my onlookers.
I walked back to the entrance and spotted a mall directory. I reached into my pocket for my list but it wasn’t there. I checked everywhere. No luck. Even worse, I realized that I didn’t even have my wallet. Oh no! I thought back and remembered that I’d left them both on the dresser that morning. Of all the bonehead things to have done!
I went back in the mall and scanned the crowds for Mom and Dad for several minutes. No luck again. The place was wall-to-wall with last minute shoppers. It seemed hopeless. Not knowing what else to do, I wandered back to the entrance and stood at the curb. I was kicking myself the whole way back. How could I have been so stupid? Man!
I stood there shaking my head, watching people come and go. Some laughing, others looking grim, but all of them oblivious to my dilemma. Cars whispered past me in the snow, and a Salvation Army volunteer clanged his bell nearby. Dark thoughts clouded my mind as I eyed him and his big red bucket full of money. I looked him over carefully and figured I could take that lardo with one punch, grab the dough and run for it.
No…I could see the headlines now. “Santa Mugged by Crazed Sleigh Jacker. Child Witness Traumatized for Life.”
I went and lay in the back of the sleigh while I weighed my options. A little red-haired girl came up and asked, “Are you Santa’s helper?”
I sat up and faced her. “Nah. If I was, he would have fired me by now.”
“Well, what are you doing in Santa’s sleigh?” she asked.
“Trying to figure out how Santa is going to pay for Christmas.”
“Oh,” she said as she considered it for a few seconds.
“Is it fun to ride in a sleigh?”
I smiled. “I had fun today.”
“Could you give me a ride?”
Her mother joined her and took her hand. “Eileen, let’s not bother the nice man and go inside shopping,” she said.
The girl stood her ground. “But Mom, I want to go for a ride in Santa’s sleigh! Look how pretty it is! Please Mommy?” She tugged on her mother’s hand several times for emphasis. The mother hesitated. Sensing her mother’s weakening, Eileen pressed for the mark. “I’ll be very good in the mall. Please Mommy?” She had her cute beacon turned up full, and almost had me convinced.
The mother looked at me and I shrugged out my comment. “I’d be glad to take you two for a spin around the parking lot.” I couldn’t believe I heard myself say that!
Looking back and forth from me to her daughter, the mother finally said, “Okay, once around the parking lot.”
I hopped down, arranged the blankets and helped them in. I cranked up the old Ford, threw her in gear and yelled back, “Hang on, here we go!”
They squealed as the sleigh jerked into motion. We chugged around the perimeter of the parking lot, while my riders laughed and waved at other people in their cars. At one point, the girl said, “Look Mommy, I can see our house from here!” I sat tall and lot my top hat tower over the landscape.
We got back to our starting point and I helped them down. The mother tried to hand me a five dollar bill. I thought about it for a second, but Grandpa’s words echoed in my head. “No thanks. Merry Christmas,” I said. I tweaked Eileen’s cheek and added, “And I’ll put in a good word to Santa for you.”
She brightened even more and said, “See! I knew you were one of his helpers!”
“I’m learning,” I said.
“Thank you so much, young man. We’ll remember this for a long time. And Merry Christmas to you,” said the mom. They clasped hands and left. Then, wouldn’t you know it? As they stepped away, I saw a line of three more kids behind them with Moms and Dads in tow. Oh, what the heck. It wasn’t such a bad gig. “All aboard,” I said.
After this ride, the parents insisted on paying me, even to the point of shoving money in my pockets. Word must have spread because there was another crowd waiting at my landing point when I arrived. An hour later, I’d made over fifty dollars! I could definitely get used to that! I had enough to at least buy something small for everybody. That bell-ringing Santa would have a boring day after all.

Also read   | Chapter 1  | Chapter 2 |  Chapter 3 |   Chapter 4 |   Chapter 5 |  Chapter 6 |  Chapter 7 |

–by  L. M. McCleland